I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
