I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
