Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
