Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
