Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
