i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
