And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
