woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Boobs are out for the taking
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
