You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
