Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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