just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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