Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
