she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
