he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
