I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
