SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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