I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
