He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
