I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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