i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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