My nipple is on Facebook.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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