Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
