that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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