i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
