Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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