Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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