just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
