Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
