Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
