Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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