I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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