I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
home. puking in laundry basket.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
