Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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