I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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