...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
