i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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