so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
