Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Houston, we have a squirter
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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