You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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