Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
