I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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