he told me I talked like a deaf person
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
