she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
