yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
