we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
