Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we're so committed to being not committed
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