rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
