she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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