Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
