I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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