i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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