I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
