gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
