Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it because I queefed?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize