and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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