i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please come you make the beer taste better
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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