Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
