a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize