I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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