today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
