I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
