My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
