how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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