It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
