I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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