I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
