You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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