this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
