Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
