You just made me feel so damn special
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
