We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
