you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
