Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
