Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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