what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
