I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
