Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
