fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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