Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
