Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
