You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
