he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
